50 Ways To Keep Your Cover
By Norman L Bender
[From the lyrics and tune of Paul Simon’s “50 Ways To Leave Your Lover”
The problem is all inside your head, she said to me,
The answer is easy if you take it logically,
I’d like to help you in your struggle to be free,
There must be 50 ways to leave your lover.
She said, it’s really not my habit to intrude
Furthermore, I hope my meaning won’t be misconstrued,
But I’ll repeat myself at the risk of being rude,
There must be fifty ways to leave your lover,
Fifty ways to leave your lover.]
From the Diary of Karl Rove 2005
“I’ve seen tension in Dub. No WMDs, no terrorists (well when we started) in Iraq, Social Security is
stalling, me and Joseph Wilson and Valerie always in the news, and they say our tax cuts have caused the
worst budget deficit in history. He needs a pep talk, we got to give him cover and stay on message.”
As Karl dozes, he remembers thinking: cover the boss’ back, and hears again the name of Paul Simon.
Hey, he’s dead; he can’t run for the Senate, that’s how Ashcroft lost. He stands and sings before the
president:
The problems are inside the liberals head I’ll make you see,
The answer is so easy if we take it logically,
The whole point of this strategy is we must be blame free,
There must be fifty ways to keep our cover.
I know you hate reporters that peskily intrude,
You always stay on message so you won’t be misconstrued,
You certainly repeat yourself so if they question, they are rude,
There must be fifty ways to keep our cover
Pick some folks to attack, Jack,
Get a privatized plan, Stan,
Make it fir or agin, Ken,
Just keep us blame free.
Cut the richest folk’s tax, Dax,
Use the color code red, Ned,
Seek new funds for Iraq, Zack,
Just keep us blame free.
Oh Dub, it grieves me so to see you in such pain,
Wish there were new threats we could utilize for gain,
I know you’d ditto that so I’ll again explain,
About the fifty ways.
Resist the stem cell, Dell,
Force all people to pray, Ray
Coerce all to agree, Lee
Just keep us blame free.
Make dissenters conform, Norm,
Don’t give them their say, Jay
Keep reporters in jail, Hale
And keep us blame free.
The Diary: Fall 2006
Our cover’s blown. The opposition may actually gain in the election. It’s the press’ fault, of course, with
all those anti-administration facts on WMDs, that liberator thing (well, we were greeted, just not that
way), and 9/11 (NOT) due to Saddam, but I still love saying it – 9/11, 9/11, 9/11 – it still can work – we
keep calling them cut and runners; (they won’t be clever enough to call us slog and bleeders) and fear,
more fear, fear. The only governing is getting elected so we must accentuate the negative because that
is our positive: and to any of our candidates who don’t agree – no RNC bucks.
Karl again dreams:
Swift boat Democrats vets, Chet,
That works well we’ve all seen,
Demand negative ads, Thad,
Or we’ll send them no green,
Cause they need RNC bucks, Chuck,
To control TV screens.
Bait the cut and run Dems, Clem
And we’ll be home free,
Give them all a good fright, Dwight,
Cause we got to divide, Clyde.
And we’ll get 50 states to run for cover.
Absorb the plan of attack, Zack
Emphasize Bush is at war, Thor,
And surely they’ll see,
Deny state of denial, Lyle,
And keep us blame free.
Get the racist ad on, Ron,
When you’re in a close race, Chase,
But say you didn’t know, Joe,
And keep us blame free.
But…they still might win the day, Clay,
So plan what records to shred, Fred,
And that’s just one more time we’ll keep our cover.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
POISON, SLIMY
POISON IVY - PALIN'S WILEY
Artist: The Coasters (peak Billboard position # 7 in 1959)
Words and Music by Jerry Lieber and Mike Stoller
She comes on like a rose but everybody knows
She'll get you in Dutch
You can look but you better not touch
Poison iv-y-y-y-y, poison iv-y-y-y-y
Late at night while you're sleepin' poison ivy comes a'creepin'
Arou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ound
She's pretty as a daisy but look out man she's crazy
She'll really do you in
If you let her under your skin
Poison iv-y-y-y-y, poison iv-y-y-y-y
Late at night while you're sleepin' poison ivy comes a'creepin'
Arou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ound
Measles make you bumpy
And mumps'll make you lumpy
And chicken pox'll make you jump and twitch
A common cold'll fool ya
And whooping cough can cool ya
But poison ivy, Lord'll make you itch!!
You're gonna need an ocean of calamine lotion
You'll be scratchin' like a hound
The minute you start to mess around
Poison iv-y-y-y-y, poison iv-y-y-y-y
Late at night while you're sleepin' poison ivy comes a'creepin'
Arou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ound
Measles make you bumpy
And mumps'll make you lumpy
And chicken pox'll make you jump and twitch
A common cold'll fool ya
And whooping cough can cool ya
But poison ivy, Lord'll make you itch!!
You're gonna need an ocean of calamine lotion
You'll be scratchin' like a hound
The minute you start to mess around
Poison iv-y-y-y-y, poison iv-y-y-y-y
Late at night while you're sleepin' poison ivy comes a'creepin'
Arou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ound
la da la da la da
la da la da la da
la da la da la da
la da la da la da
From the diary of Karl Rove;
Poison Ivy, now that’s a song where blacks harmonized and stayed in their own groups…those were the days. Now what to do about our Sarah? She’s not as intellectual as dub, I know that. At least when he went all folksy, he didn’t clusterf@@k history in the process. And besides we’re a more scared, no make that much more scared country now than we were when we won in 2000. But she does have great appeal to those that she, well, appeals to. But how do we address her problem with the more liberal stuff like facts? I know, we will script her more and inform them less. Besides when people are scared they have short memories. But she just keeps on. She’s relentless, she’s crafty, she’s sly, she’ll trick them, and she’s got wiles…Rove dozes off as the tune of “poison ivy” drifts through his thoughts.
She comes on like she knows, a grizzly bear in panty hose
She’s in the news so much
But comes across so out of touch
Palin’s wiley, Palin’s wiley
From the far right while we’re sleeping
Palin slyly comes a creeping around
She’s pretty but she’s hazy, on facts she makes us crazy
She could do her party in
If they let her get under their skin
Palin’s wiley, Palin’s wiley
From the far right while we’re sleeping
Palin slyly comes a creeping around
Liberals make her grumpy, reporters make her jumpy
And Jews for Jesus is her bait and switch
though her knowledge will not school ya
her folksy style might fool ya
It’s just she makes so many cringe and twitch
From ocean cross to ocean
its teabagger emotion
that backs her on the ground
saying lock, and now load another round
Palin’s wiley, Palin’s wiley
From the far right while we’re sleeping
Palin slyly comes a creeping around
Liberals make her grumpy, reporters make her jumpy
And Jews for Jesus is her bait and switch
though her knowledge will not school ya
her folksy style might fool ya
It’s just she makes so many cringe and twitch
From ocean cross to ocean
its teabagger emotion
that backs her on the ground
saying lock, and now load another round
Palin’s wiley, Palin’s wiley
From the far right while we’re sleeping
Palin slyly comes a creeping around
Artist: The Coasters (peak Billboard position # 7 in 1959)
Words and Music by Jerry Lieber and Mike Stoller
She comes on like a rose but everybody knows
She'll get you in Dutch
You can look but you better not touch
Poison iv-y-y-y-y, poison iv-y-y-y-y
Late at night while you're sleepin' poison ivy comes a'creepin'
Arou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ound
She's pretty as a daisy but look out man she's crazy
She'll really do you in
If you let her under your skin
Poison iv-y-y-y-y, poison iv-y-y-y-y
Late at night while you're sleepin' poison ivy comes a'creepin'
Arou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ound
Measles make you bumpy
And mumps'll make you lumpy
And chicken pox'll make you jump and twitch
A common cold'll fool ya
And whooping cough can cool ya
But poison ivy, Lord'll make you itch!!
You're gonna need an ocean of calamine lotion
You'll be scratchin' like a hound
The minute you start to mess around
Poison iv-y-y-y-y, poison iv-y-y-y-y
Late at night while you're sleepin' poison ivy comes a'creepin'
Arou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ound
Measles make you bumpy
And mumps'll make you lumpy
And chicken pox'll make you jump and twitch
A common cold'll fool ya
And whooping cough can cool ya
But poison ivy, Lord'll make you itch!!
You're gonna need an ocean of calamine lotion
You'll be scratchin' like a hound
The minute you start to mess around
Poison iv-y-y-y-y, poison iv-y-y-y-y
Late at night while you're sleepin' poison ivy comes a'creepin'
Arou-ou-ou-ou-ou-ound
la da la da la da
la da la da la da
la da la da la da
la da la da la da
From the diary of Karl Rove;
Poison Ivy, now that’s a song where blacks harmonized and stayed in their own groups…those were the days. Now what to do about our Sarah? She’s not as intellectual as dub, I know that. At least when he went all folksy, he didn’t clusterf@@k history in the process. And besides we’re a more scared, no make that much more scared country now than we were when we won in 2000. But she does have great appeal to those that she, well, appeals to. But how do we address her problem with the more liberal stuff like facts? I know, we will script her more and inform them less. Besides when people are scared they have short memories. But she just keeps on. She’s relentless, she’s crafty, she’s sly, she’ll trick them, and she’s got wiles…Rove dozes off as the tune of “poison ivy” drifts through his thoughts.
She comes on like she knows, a grizzly bear in panty hose
She’s in the news so much
But comes across so out of touch
Palin’s wiley, Palin’s wiley
From the far right while we’re sleeping
Palin slyly comes a creeping around
She’s pretty but she’s hazy, on facts she makes us crazy
She could do her party in
If they let her get under their skin
Palin’s wiley, Palin’s wiley
From the far right while we’re sleeping
Palin slyly comes a creeping around
Liberals make her grumpy, reporters make her jumpy
And Jews for Jesus is her bait and switch
though her knowledge will not school ya
her folksy style might fool ya
It’s just she makes so many cringe and twitch
From ocean cross to ocean
its teabagger emotion
that backs her on the ground
saying lock, and now load another round
Palin’s wiley, Palin’s wiley
From the far right while we’re sleeping
Palin slyly comes a creeping around
Liberals make her grumpy, reporters make her jumpy
And Jews for Jesus is her bait and switch
though her knowledge will not school ya
her folksy style might fool ya
It’s just she makes so many cringe and twitch
From ocean cross to ocean
its teabagger emotion
that backs her on the ground
saying lock, and now load another round
Palin’s wiley, Palin’s wiley
From the far right while we’re sleeping
Palin slyly comes a creeping around
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